Back to Blog
Corpse party seiko trips5/26/2023 Mom is out late again today, so I’m cooking dinner by myself. He pretends to understand, but you can see it in his eyes. The first few sessions I was uncooperative, only speaking to tell them that Seiko was not a hallucination. I have to attend weekly sessions because of my 'hallucination’. My mother took me to the psychiatrist today. She desperately questions me, and I could answer her a thousand times that I feel guilt about Seiko, but that would only worry her more. I’m on the borderline for fitting the criteria for anorexia. I’ve lost fifty pounds, and as a result my eyes are sunken in, and my limbs are frail and pale. I didn’t really mean to kill myself that day, but the thought did cross my mind. She talked to me a lot during that time but I ignored my phone. I needed something to motivate me since living was becoming so hard to do. To remind myself that I live for both of us. I want it to represent the one that I was living for so every day when I got dressed I would see it. It’s tall one could kick it away easily if they found it necessary. I bought some rope and tied it in a noose around the pole in my closet. Since she’s too kind to, I’ll hate myself for her.Įight months have passed. I throw the phone against the wall angrily. Right? I knew what my phone said without having to look down. What happened to together forever? I’m a horrible person. There’s no reason to love the person who killed you. There’s no future without her, and if there is one, I don’t want anything to do with it. I can’t see myself having a future anyway. It’s strange the things you miss about someone when they’re gone, isn’t it? School is pointless. I don’t pay attention in class because she’s not there to make a joke about my ass. I manage to eat a meal today in her place. I go three days without eating before my phone sounds. Why should I eat when it’s my fault she can’t anymore? My stomach craves something in it, but my throat won’t yield. Every time I try to swallow, it feels like my throat is tightening like the rope around her neck. The texts she keeps sending is just her reminding me so.Įating is hard now. Clearly I imagined it to make myself feel better about what I did. No hard feelings.įour months now, and I’m starting to believe I was wrong about her forgiveness. I don’t know why, but not existing is seeming more and more ideal each passing day. It’s only been two months and I already can’t remember. I think about disappearing. She forgave me at Heavenly Host, right? I think that’s what happened, but I’m not so sure now. Satoshi tries to comfort me, but nothing he says is helping. It’s my fault she isn’t here anymore to brighten people’s day It hurts so much, and there’s no one here to help because no one knows Seiko. How could you just forget someone like that? Especially someone as special as Seiko? She always brought a smile to people’s faces, and now they look at me like a lunatic when I accidentally talk about her. The hardest part of losing Seiko was everyone forgetting her. Warning: This contains hints of suicide and self-harm. It probably won’t be long until it’s done. If it’s any consolation, beach trip has 1500 words so far. And I kinda like how it turned out, so I figured I’d post it here since I have no other blog for writing. Expecting lacewood? Sorry followers, but I had to get this out of the way.
0 Comments
Read More
Leave a Reply. |